Twas the night before Christmas when the temperature dropped, to thirty below, 
and then the water stopped.

As the pipes burst below, there arose such a clatter, then the furnace blew up!
Now what was the matter?

He tried to light the fireplace, but the flue had rusted in, so he banged and pounded until it swung in, 
raining dozens of birds nests… and an empty bottle of Gallo Cafe Zin.

In the midst of this trial the circuits arced out, just as the water heater screamed like a tea kettle spout.

Up to the roof, he shot with all speed, to confront that old fart about his Christmas Eve stop.
Indeed, he intended to confront the old hoke, when two steps from the top, the ladder rungs broke.

He fell into his pool as the water disappeared, through a crack in the earth… could it get any more weird?

Then from down on the street he heard the laughter of the Kringle,
As his house burned to the ground, the sleigh bells did jingle.

When his brand-new ferrari drove out of sight, his iPhone beeped, and to our delight…

The text message said; You’re fired you schmuck. 
Your insurance’s been cancelled and you’re now out’a luck.

Written and performed for Rita’s  I-Hate-Christmas-Music-Contest